Thursday, February 28, 2008

Being Thick

There is a term some people are not aware of called BBW. It stands for Big, Beautiful Women. I am a BBW, though not by choice. Which is a stupid thing to say anyway because I can choose to not be big.

My dilemma is this: motivation comes and goes. Usually I am a very goal-oriented person. I procrastinate like none other, but all my endeavors have paid far. But I cannot procrastinate with my weight. Not only does that seem like a no-brainer, but it's a concept I struggle with.

Any time I begin to work out, even for a week or two in a row, I can see the difference. Sure, it's probably psychological, but I still like to think I am improving. It probably wouldn't take a lot of effort for me to drop to a size 14 within the next month. I don't understand why I don't do it.

Just do it. Get my ass in the gym and work out. These are my excuses:

1. My trainer hasn't called me back so I don't want to waste time exercising when I could have a routine that will optimize my time.

2. I want to get a swimsuit and go swimming in the morning but I need to wait until I get my paycheck and for a store (i.e. Target) to get an XL black swimsuit.

3. My iPod is broken so I can't tune people out now when I work out.

Don't worry...I have refutes to my own excuses:

1. What the hell...that doesn't even make sense. You work out to start getting in shape. How can you optimize your time when you don't do anything? Do you have any idea how long you've been fat for and you can't spare an hour right now to go work out? Get into a workout routine that can be improved by your trainer. A little is better than none.

2. This is a lame excuse. I know you want to swim in the morning...but honestly, would you really get up at 5 and go swim hard-core for an hour? Because you have that issue with your hair where you don't want it to get damaged by the chlorine.

3. Borrow someone else's. Or just cope without the music. I'm sure someone will let you borrow an iPod. This is not a big deal. Quit being lame.

It isn't that I am hugely obese. I just don't want to put any effort into losing weight. Instead of saving five bucks to go toward a bathing suit (which, by the way, are ridiculously expensive right now!!), I went to Henry's and got a fasting tea to help suppress my appetite. It's a good thing, I guess, since I tend to not eat in moderation and I don't exactly eat healthy things all the time.

I think the bottom line is that I need to stop making excuses and just get over myself. I need to keep myself accountable and make sure that I do the right thing for myself. If I don't care, why would anyone else?