I have Editor's Block, Not Writer's Block

I am really frustrated by my writing.

I'm in a conference course with Professor Doody and I am supposed to turn in 50 pages of an original manuscript by the end of the semester. I have 12 pages, but it gets better. I've been working on them, tweaking, rewording, etc, and I like what I have. Then I wrote an email to Doody about what I'm doing with the pages and it hit me:

What I have isn't going to work.

I may be curbing my writing style to fit what he wants from me, but I agree with what he is telling me. I need to start off with drama. I am not good at writing drama because I never know how much is too much, what is going too far, if anything is even realistic...blah blah blah

I realized that anything can happen in life, and things I write can be ridiculous. But, I want it to be plausible. I don't want what I write to be outlandish stories that no one can relate to, but I think what I need is a story to base my ideas off.

I thought I had that--a friend's relational situation I was "mimicking" but it isn't the same at all.

I hate writing. It's so hard. I edit myself too much, and Doody called me on it. He said I'm too hard on myself. It's true. Like, right now, I am looking at what I wrote and I see "I" everywhere. I want to go through and edit my blog to minimize the use of "I" so I don't seem sell-obsessed, which I am.

Fuck it.

I hate writing. I don't want to analyze myself anymore.

The end.