How Artard-Ray'd

Yes, I cave to people's requests...and when I say "people's", I mean to Michelle (and Sheyanne?) who popped my blog comment cherry and made a reference to it. So, here is the short story I wrote, even though it's not one the one I wrote when I was in class. I thought it was retarded, so I wrote this one and I like it much better. Hehe ^_^

The Power Ranger

“Where were you last night?”

The smooth plastic figurine in his shirt bumped against his chest and he ducked beneath the metal poles that suspended a canopy above the metal tables at the center of the empty park. His halting, rhythmic stomps sent the white cotton t-shirt fluttering from his emancipated frame as the toy jostled around within the cocoon.

“Did you see the star?”

He adjusted the black belt looped securely through his jean shorts and scraped his fingertip against the edge of the grooves on one side of the table where a drop of ketchup had crusted. Satisfied to have it transferred promptly from finger to mouth, he scoured the rest of the table.

“It fell, Jason! I saw it and tried to tell you but you were gone.”

His head was bent, peering for treasures under the table and the bauble inside his shirt obeyed gravity and shot downward, a strange silhouette of right angles cradled in the fabric.

“Let me see your toy.”

Jason collected the bulge back to his body and left the small pile of bread crumbs and sand he had harvested beneath the table. The soft sound of the rubber soles of his black shoes played in harmony with the squeaking wheel of an advancing shopping cart.

“Put this in your shirt instead.”

Jason fisted his trinket, a jumble of arms and legs, and rubbed a finger over the round shape of the figure’s head. He squinted up at the center of the plastic red ceiling and ran his tongue against the backside of teeth turned in opposite directions. A mimic of protest whimpered from his lips and Jason turned to scoot away.

“Stop leaving! I always show you my stuff!”

He moved in time to the rhythm of the solid form beating into his chest, his head a constant bob. He nervously pushed both palms flat on top of his head and smoothed down his side-parted greasy black hair. The wheels of the grocery cart were turning faster to expel the squeak it had been holding, increasing to the squeak, squeak, squeaksqueaksqueaksqueak that now pursued him.

“Let me have it!”

The hard plastic crashed into his back, the metal tray at the bottom dug into the backs of his ankles. Baseball cards, newspapers, wrinkled gum wrappers, empty soda cans, and toilet paper flew out from the impact and Jason flew forward, his face landing in hard dirt.

“Look it! Stop, that’s mine!”

Dumbfounded, Jason had begun to clean off his knee-high white socks from the debris and held a Baseball card in his hand. It was Gary Bennett.

A hand flew out and snatched the card, ripping it apart. Jason checked his hand, a white streak visible on his tanned skin. His jaw dropped to squeal, and his face contorted with rage. An eye twitched. His forehead wrinkled.

The offended hand reached down the neck hole of his shirt and he produced the treasure of his belly, a blue Power Ranger figurine. He tucked it in his elbow and launched himself at the person ripping to shreds the toilet paper, gum wrappers, newspapers, and baseball cards.

His limbs got tangled with someone else’s and he bit something that wasn’t his but tasted like vinegar. A moment later, Jason was planted on the ground, a hand pushed against his face, shoving it further into the dry dirt. Jason closed his eyes tight, reaching for the Power Ranger with his fingertips to rub its head.

“I’m keeping this!”

A foot weighed down Jason’s chest and he felt the bony figure of a mass settle on his stomach, pinning him to the ground. He coughed and sucked in a cloud of dirt.

His Power Ranger began to slide from beneath his arm and he instinctively tightened around it, kicking his legs wildly. The figure bounced on his chest and wrestled with both hands to steal his toy. Jason sat up, his head free from the force of the malicious hand and struggled anew for rightful possession of his bauble.

Jason saw his Power Ranger in thin hands that weren’t his and smacked to brush them away. He tried to put it back into his shirt, but saw that it was now a bulge in a yellow shirt, stained by grass, dirt, blood, and sweat.

His Power Ranger was gone, forever. His legs were splayed apart when the thief pushed Jason’s head in a derogatory gesture, submitting him to further humiliation. Something of a moan burst out of Jason and he swiped his runny nose and leaky eyes on his dirty arm. He watched his trinket dangle from the vagrant’s arm carelessly.

He stood up and tucked his shirt back in his shorts. He watched the Power Ranger sway in the wake of a swagger from the confident walk of a miscreant. Jason’s calloused fingertips pressed into his palms and he rushed toward the criminal, the same undecided and cadenced.

The solid form of the tormentor was bent over the shopping cart of trash, making room for the Power Ranger in the seat of honor next to the ripped shards of baseball cards. Jason reached out and pushed, a harrowing shriek burning through his nose. Tumbling, caught off-guard, the offender hurtled blindly into the metal pole.

A solid thud reverberated and pushed the body away, to its knees. Jason grabbed his Power Ranger from the shopping cart, pressing it against his bosom.

Jason crept to the figure crawling weakly to the metal table. The treacherous hands shook, groping for something to hang on to. Finally, the fiend collapsed, the head rested against the metal grooves of the table.

Jason struck his finger out and pressed it along the bumpy surface, hot from the sun, and slid it from one end to the other, where blood flowed, guided by the metal railings. He swiped his finger in it and pressed the warm, stickiness to his Power Ranger’s mouth.


He bobbed his head and smiled in triumph. He shoved his bloodied hand on the antagonist’s face, leaving an imprint of blood above the dull brown eye. He pushed the face into the edge of the seat. He bared his teeth and narrowed his eyes and snickered at the still form. He sucked the rest of the blood from his finger and put his Power Ranger back to rest, the treasure of his belly.

A New Expert Named LiLo

I have a question: since when did celebrities become people well-versed and integral in deciding who people should vote for President?

I have seen too many articles about Lindsey Lohan's opinion about the republican candidates, and I have to say that her opinion makes me want to vote for McCain-Palin than anything else, just out of spite. Why is her opinion worth so much when she is so waked out, haggard, and ruined that even Hollywood is thinking Girl, you need to slow the fuck down. I don't trust her opinion about the future of American because she didn't care about her future enough to take care of herself ... but that's not important. A Presidental candidate loses my respect and chances of convincing me of his or her potential to run the country when celebrities well-versed in paparazzi etiquete are vouching for that party.

Why isn't anyone rooting for Nader? I love that guy.

About more important issues:

My classes are amazing. I should say, I am doing amazingly in my classes. Granted, I only have three of my textbooks, but I am still caught up with all my work! I even have more work done than I need to have done! I am excited at being so responsible and diligent with my work load.

Today, I had to write a short story in my writing class and it had to start off with "Where were you last night?" I think I came up with a pretty bitchin' story! Maybe I'll post it on here or something after I type it up. A couple people read theirs in class and I was surprisd how similiar mine was to this guy's story who was sitting next to me. They ended in the same way! What the heck.

On a totally unrelated note: I think I am gaining weight again. This is ridiculous because while I haven't been following my diet to the strictest level I am capable of, and when I say that I mean I am eating more sugar than I should, I still eat plenty of fruits and veggies, dairy and meat according to the food pyramid thing. I drink a lot of water, don't use any additives, and use only the smallest amount possible of "good stuff". When I have snacks, I get a handful out and put the rest away. For my snacks, I have animal cookies with Nutella, and I don't even douse them in the delicious chocolate hazlenut spread. I use a reasonable amount.

Anyway, I checked myself out in the mirror today and I think I am gaining weight, which does not work for me. Good thing I meet tomorrow with someone who will give me an assessment so I can start a workout regiment. I have 12 weeks before I go to Europe, so believe me when I say: I am super-motivated!!

Maybe I should make a paper chain thing to count down the weeks...

Out of the Fire, into the Pot

I am really happy to be back in school. I like to learn and I'm really excited about this whole Senior year thing. I still don't think I have really learned anything, but it's ok. I have grown these past four years, and I think that's the reason I am really pushing myself this last year.

I have a bunch of goals. They're realistic, too, which is really going to help me out as far as accomplishing things goes.

For one, I have the ever-remaining goal to pay off my debt. Thankfully, over the summer I was able to come up with a really fool proof plan for savings, so not only am I saving up for a new car, but also putting away money for a rainy day...because I know it's going to be raining after I get out of school. My credit card has been paid off for the last month, and it's at a stable, manageable $25 balance that I am pretty ecstatic about. I use it only to pay for my haircare (I buy these online because it's cheaper) and my gym membership.

Speaking of my gym membership, the other ever-remaining goal of getting in shape is on the brink of becoming something I will actively pursue. I think I've written before that I've already established a healthy eating routine, so I have the diet part down to a great science. Coming from an English major, that's probably not saying much, but at least I understand how it works: eat fruits, veggies, meat, and dairy. Basically, I figured that by the time I make it through the food pyramid, it's time to sleep and that works very well for me.

Another goal I have is to get my English Honor Society chapter up and running. We already have an event going on, we just have to meet and figure out where to host it. Hmm. I need people to do my bidding.

I only have one downer about this new year. I thought I had really grown and become more comfortable with talking to people I don't know, but in the classes I had yesterday, I was still the same person who didn't try to talk with people, didn't reach out and connect and everything else I've been doing the past three years. Don't get me wrong--I'm much more social than I've ever been, but I'm still not as actively friendly as I would like to be. I think I have this road block in my mind that makes me think that if I approach someone just to be nice and say hello, they're going to think Oh my gosh, why is this fat girl talking to me? I can't be seen with her. She needs to leave. What does she want from me?

Being thick is hard in a place like Orange County, but being a thick person trying to be friendly is even more difficult because no one wants to associate with the thick people. Most people who do end up doing it out of pity, and that's ridiculous.

Another goal I have is to get a guy to touch my hair. You have no idea how amazing my hair feels and I am just dying to be walking around campus one day and get yanked back by a guy who has his palm against the back of my scalp, running his fingers through the long thick mass of chocolate waves that is my hair. This goal may be easier to accomplish if I got my perfume back. New goal acquired.

I'm going to talk about my new room mates now.

Actually, I'm first going to address my feelings about having new room mates. Again.

I am pretty upset about having another set of new people to live with. In case I've never addressed it before, I've had new room mates almost every semester. Freshman year, I changed room mates in the middle of the year. Sophomore year I had the same girls all year through. Junior year, I had one girl the same and two other new ones, and the next semester brought two new girls, and I fell in love with living with them. Now, I have two new room mates and I'm planning and scheming how to get one of my past room mates from my second semester of Junior year to take the place of one of the girls I'm currently living with. It's probably not going to happen, but I really wish it would.

The issue I have with having 12 different room mates in four years is that I thought I was easy to live with. I'm a really laid-back person and not a lot gets to me. Maybe I need to re-evaluate myself because clearly I am not, given my history with living with people. I keep thinking, somewhere in the back of my head, do I have commitment issues? How am I going to adapt later down the road when I have a lease to deal with? Am I unbearable to live with, or am I ridiculously picky?

I can see where I am ridiculously picky, but I don't think I am unbearable to live with. I don't know. It's just something I am scared to find out about myself. I mean, how could I lie to myself all these years and find out all of a sudden that I am an impossible room mate? I honestly can't say that I am. I think I am fun to live with, easy-going, and keep to myself as much as the others around me do.

Anyway, the two new girls I'm living with are nice. We're all getting along quite well, so I am really grateful for that. God knows it could've been a disaster. God knows it almost was a disaster because I was about to go all kinds of crazy since they threw a new girl in on us at the last minute. I wanted to bust a cap like nobody's business! Breathing exercises really work well though, and it helps that I found out while I was driving to school.

I am really bored with writing about all this now.

Suffice to say, I am looking forward to a hectic, crazy, tight schedule.

Colleges in PA: http://www.collegescolleges.com/states/Pennsylvania.htm

Jobs for Socs majors: Sociology majors who are interested in organizational theory gravitate toward organizational planning, development, and training. Those who study the sociology of work and occupations may pursue careers in human resources management (personnel) and industrial relations. Students who especially enjoy research design, statistics, and data analysis seek positions in marketing, public relations, and organizational research. Courses in economic and political sociology, cultural diversity, racial and ethnic relations, and social conflict can lead to positions in international business.

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• Ability to recognize trends and patterns. Sociologists must develop a keen eye for detail and a gift for spotting relationships between pieces of information. By cultivating patterns from otherwise abstract data, sociologists can break through puzzling roadblocks during research assignments.
  
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• Develop skills in modern data and analysis technology. As with many other careers, modern technology and computers have revolutionized sociology. During the course of their degree programs, students learn to manipulate data using complex pieces of software and hardware. By running research data through sophisticated tools, sociology professionals can spot trends sooner and generate results faster.
  
  
• Grant writing skills. Many sociologists must compete for funding from government agencies, from private funders, and from academic boards. Skilled professionals learn to apply their strong writing skills to create attractive grant applications. By stating clear goals and framing up outcomes that advance the agendas or the missions of funding bodies, sociologists can collect vital funds that allow them to continue making breakthroughs in research and understanding of human interaction.
  
  
• Research skills. Sociology majors learn to use all of the resources at their disposal to chase down leads and build sets of information for analysis. Many sociology degree programs introduce students to the tricks of efficient library research early in their academic careers. Bolstered by fast searches on the Internet, sociology majors learn to digest catalogued findings for use in their original research projects. By the time they graduate, students learn to conduct personal interviews and mass surveys in order to generate their own sets of raw data for analysis.
  
  
• Management skills. Many professional sociologists rely on the help of support personnel and other team members to conduct research and to move projects forward. During their degree programs, students learn to blend the best practices from the business world with the traditions of research professionals. By the time students earn their sociology degrees, they gain the talent to motivate the different kinds of specialists that will help them accomplish major breakthroughs during their careers.
  
  
• Planning and organizational skills. Because most sociologists work on time-sensitive projects, students learn how to plan and arrange their tasks to save time and to work as efficiently as possible. Many colleges and universities provide introductory courses in time management and task coordination as part of their core programs. These skills reap huge rewards later in a student's career, when they must marshal scarce resources under tight deadlines.

Trends for Sociology Careers

Because of the breadth of study involved in obtaining a sociology degree, career choices are diverse. Graduates holding a degree in sociology often find employment as researchers, consultants, or administrators for federal, state, and local governments. A sociologist may also find employment in the private sector with educational institutions and businesses.

Although competition for academic jobs remains fierce, many businesses and government agencies have expanded the roles that sociology professionals play in their organizations. Businesses invest more heavily than ever before in understanding their customers' wants and needs. Government departments and political campaigns also want to know everything they can about their constituents. Therefore, experts at the United States Department of Labor expect the job demand for sociologists to grow steadily over the next ten years.

U.S. Census Bureau U.S. Bureau of Prisons State Department of Correction Human Services Insurance Advertising Public relations Management training programs Census workers Marketing trainees Correction officers And much more

Youth Services Mental Health Area Agencies on Aging Banking Computers Retail trade News media Stock brokers FBI agents Personnel officers Sales representatives

Shopping in PA (no sales tax on clothes!)
http://www.shoppinginpa.com/shoppinginpa/TalkShop.do

"Grahm, it's not rocket launching!"

Today, I got to have lunch with a woman who has worked at Tyndale for about 13 years in the Editorial department. She talked to me about my proof reading test because...sigh...I failed it like a dumbass...but she just went over it with me. I was really surprised how much she and I had in common. It was like seeing a nicer version of myself in 20 years or something. The funny thing is that I only get an hour lunch break every day. We went to get lunch at 1:00, and I got back to my cubicle at 3:30.

It was awesome.

I wouldn't be opposed to the idea of working at Tyndale at all. I mean, I would miss my friends and family in California, but I really think I could work well at Tyndale. I really like the company and they publish quality books, but a part of me does wonder if there couldn't be more out there for me.

I was doing some research on publishing and editors and I began to entertain the notion of becoming an agent. I think I can recognize good writing when I see it, but I think I am too biased for the kinds of subject matter and in-your-face kind of topics that I wouldn't have a great amount of authors to work with--I would need a diverse portfolio. I think I would make a good agent...the only company that I would be interested in would be Zachary Shuster Harmsworth, but they hire people from like, Harvard, Oxford, Yale, Columbia, etc. There is no way Vanguard is on the same kind of claibar as those school, evident in the fact I'm not sure if I spelt "Columbia" and "calibar" properly.

Being an agent would be fun though. If not that, I would be interested in working as an Acquisitions Editor...I know that I want to have an impact on the content that would be published since I think the Christian populace needs to be exposed to more "racy" and unconventional ideas. I believe that yes, we are a part of this world and not of it, but I think we ought to better understand it. I really love working with content though. That's my thing. I think I would be great in any publishing house I go to, but I really like the family-owned aspect of Tyndale.

I think it is safe to say that I will not be in California for the rest of my life, and I will move to bigger and better things. I would be happy moving to Illinois, or I can deal (quite well) being in Michigan (Zondervan). I don't know how I would feel working for huge corporate places though. I really love doing the family-run thing, but what's great about Tyndale's family-thing, is they are still a big company. I mean, the #3 Christian publishing house--that's pretty damn good.

Ugh.

Note to self: remember you have to finish college first.

July, July, oh those Julies.

I like reading through my blogs. Yes, I am vain. I don't make any excuses for it. The funny thing about my vanity, is that I can't even think of something I have to be vain about! If someone asked me (which I'm glad no one has...) what my favorite feature of my anatomy is, I would be stumped. It's a surefire way to get me to stop talking.

"What's your favorite feature of your body?"

*insert crickets chirping*

Normally, the first answer would be my hair. However, my hair and I have been at odds lately. Sometimes I like how the long waves tumble down my back, the curls being ever so slightly mussled and unruly. Other times, I wish the dry corpse excuse of hair would take its amber waves that look like grain and hit the road! I seek soft, loose hair that is my natural color.

Note to self: don't let friends dye your hair anymore.

When I got a haircut before coming out here to Illinois (say that with a French accent...much more fun), I couldn't get over how ama-za-zing my hair felt. It was the perfect silky smooth texture I have been craving, and I'm really not sure if it is the straightener my stylist used or the product. So, I'll have to surrender more money to have her do my hair again and buy everything she uses on me. Next time though, I'll ask her to not straighten my hair. I'm sure that'll save me some product, and I don't ever straighten my hair. Talk about time consuming!

I'm big on saving time, actually. I also have a knack for wasting it. I don't know anyone who would dispute this fact.

Changing subjects, just because I got an email that reminded me of it...

There is another intern here (call him 5.0) who cracks me up. Not so much lately, but when I first emailed him, I couldn't stop laughing. 5.0 is a self-proclaimed poet--stop snickering, it gets better. I would email him the most mundane things for the sole purpose of seeing how ridiculous his response would be.

Did you know I do things for a reaction? That is truly my only hidden agenda, and now it's not even hidden. I love reactions and the element of surprise.

So anyway, I would sent out an email to invite the 'terns for a round of Phase 10 because that's the only game I brought with me, and...there's no better way to bond with strangers than over a semi-competetive game of cards, right? My email was simple:

"Hi, [5.0] :)

I hope you’re adjusting well to your job!

Mondays seem to be Phase 10 day for interns at lunch, so would you like to join us today at 1:00 in the caf?

~Stephanie"

His response:

"As much as I would love to me graced by my fellow interns’ company this afternoon, and engage in grand competition over a midday meal, I do, alas, have a meeting at that time. Hopefully, the fates shall smile down upon me, and I will be able to meet you good people in the very near future."

My response was much less eloquent.

Another time, I sent out an email because...well, this is what I sent (verbatim):

"Yes!! I found out how to change the font color for replying emails! The default font color is blue when you reply to an email, but mine is now black.

Muaha! Oh, if technology was a beast I would be the hunter it fears.

How is everyone doing today? Good weekends, I trust?

~Steph"

His response:

"Congrats in your epic quest. May all inboxes from henceforth fear the name Stephanie Rosemeyer, for she shall smite them whenever she crosses their decrepit existences. Forevermore, on this day, computers across the land will weep and gnash their teeth in the ancient computer tongue of binary, for on this day, their sins were exposed.

Blessings on you and your household,
[5.0]"

Like his other email, I wasn't sure if I should reply back with some ghetto verbiage (which I am quite fluent in), or consult some Shakespeare and make a sonnet!!

Maybe this is my favorite one...

My email:

"Hi, [5.0] :)

If you’re interested, Amy and I will meet in the caf today around 12:45 for a round of Phase 10 and you’re more than welcome to join us.

Also, I wanted to apologize for not saying hi today in chapel. I didn’t realize you were sitting near me until I glanced over and by then it was too late. I’m not very good at the “late hello” thing.

Anyway, hope to see you at lunch!

~Stephanie"

His reply:

"Sounds good. I must also implore your pardons for the lack of salutations. I was almost certain of your identity as a fellow intern, and thus sat close by. However, as we have already established, greetings were not exchanged. The guilt is just as great upon my own brow. Let us, with great haste, put this conundrum out of our minds.

See you at 12:45 for great feasting and phasing,
[5.0]"

I am sad to say, though, his recent emails have been much more conversational and I intend to ask him why he doesn't put forth any efforts to his emails anymore! Hahahahahaha

Yes...this is what I get paid to do every day. It's a shame I don't blog more often during work...

My Best Friend is a Mop

I am really excited right now. My friend from California is coming over to Illinois. She is going to be in Indiana for a month, but we will spend more time together later.

I am so excited to finally see someone I know and love here. It has been so so so SO lonely this past month (plus some) and I am just sad that she told her nephew in Indiana that she would see him on Thursday instead of like, Monday.

But still, I am glad to have someone I hold dear here with me.