I feel sick. Queasy. Nauseous. Perturbed. Anxious. Indecisive. Unsure.
Undistinguished. And I need to pee.
For the past two hours, I've been researching grad schools. I have information about the requirements for Purdue, Fullerton, Northwestern, UCSD, Berkeley, and Cornell (in order of preference). I want to study linguistics, but if I go to Purdue, I would be more inclined to delve into their 18th Century Literature program.
UCI's website is really confusing and I should probably get more information about the English programs available at the University of Chicago.
I have many reservations about going to grad school and I kind of want to go teach ESL somewhere just to be active while I study for the GRE.
I should look up international grad schools. My professors need to get in touch with me because if I have to write something up for my Master's degree, then I don't think linguistics will be a right fit for what I have in mind.
I still need to pee.
Today, for a Sigma Tau Delta event, we went and read books to kids. I read one about a family who is very incompetent in handling their dog and another about a clingy girl and an adventurous bear called Corduroy.
I was much more enthusiastic than that voice. It was surprising how much I enjoyed reading to kids, given that I don't like them.
My dad thinks I should take a test to become a substitute teacher. It's $250, whereas the GRE is $150. I thought my expenses would be minimal after graduation. I also have to pay application fees for grad apps (at least $55 each) and the schooling deal for the ESL class is nearly $900 on one website. Hot damn.
I want to just stay in school, get BA's in everything but math and science, and get an editing job back at Tyndale. I could even skip the BA's and go straight for editing at Tyndale. I should email the PR lady and ask if there are any jobs available, even though the website has been bereft of career opportunities for months. Ok, weeks.